Chapter 47

The next day Matt tracked Veronica down in the “office”. “Ronnie?”

“Hey Matt. What’s up?”

“I just thought I should warn you that the fans are starting to ask questions about you.”

“About me?” She frowned. “What about me?”

“Who you are, your connection to Jon.....that sort of thing.”

“Why would they want to know about me? And why would they think I have a connection to Jon?” The look of discomfort on Matt’s face had warning bells going off in her head.

“Well there were some pictures from the last few days of Jon and you holding hands.” When she frowned in confusion, he explained. “On the way to the van after the show.”

Veronica nodded in understanding. The up close bodyguard routine. I knew that was a bad idea. “What are you and Obie telling them?”

“That you work for the label and are a long time friend of the band’s. A few of the contest winners who’ve been at sound check and were introduced to you are backing up our story.”

Her brows rose. “Why shouldn’t they? It’s the truth.”

“Uh huh.” Matt replied with a wink. “Sure. We’ll stick to that for now if you want.”

“The truth is usually better than a lie....or a hopeful wish.” She gave him a warning look.

Matt chuckled, leaned over and kissed her cheek. “If you say so..... Sis.”

She swatted his arm. “Oh go away. Talking to you is like talking to Richie....an exercise in frustration!”

“That’s what brothers are for.” He assured her on his way to the door.

“Oh the joys of being an only child.” She shook her head, but couldn’t suppress a smile as his laughter echoed down the hallway.



When the last interview was done, the reporter asked for some information that Veronica had in her office, so she took him down to get it, then escorted him out of the building. When she got back to the interview room, she met Paul leaving and Jon was closing his phone as she entered. His face showed tension and frustration and his hand went immediately to his temple to rub at the ache there.

Veronica moved to stand behind his chair, tugged on his shoulders to urge him to lean back against her, nudged his hand away and placing her fingers on his temples, massaged in a circular pattern. “Problem?”

His eyes closed and he sighed in appreciation at her ministrations. “Just some bureaucratic red tape glitches with one of the Foundation’s projects.”

“Enough to jeopardize the project?”

He shook his head slightly – he didn’t want to disrupt her movements. “I doubt it. Just the usual crap.”

“Ow! Oooh...ow....ouch! I think I pulled a muscle in my arm. Ronnie, maybe you can help me out.” David rubbed his shoulder and bicep.

“Yeah, my back and shoulders are really aching. I don’t know if I can play with this pain. Can you bring those magic fingers over here little girl?” Richie moaned.

“Back off assholes, she’s mine.” Jon informed them without opening his eyes.

Veronica raised a brow and stared down at the top of his head at the possessive statement.

Richie caught her eye and winked. “Can we make sure we have some time in Dubai to go shopping?”

“What do you want to look for?” Tico asked.

“Persian rug. I’m still trying to decorate a few rooms in the house, and I bet they have some great stuff over there.”

“Who’s going to Dubai?” Veronica inquired.

The men exchanged glances. “We are.” David answered. “We’re doing a show there.”

Veronica’s fingers stilled. “When?”

“May 20th. The beginning of the European leg.”

Jon’s first clue that he was in trouble was when her hands lifted from his skin as if they’d been burned. The second was the cool professionalism that replaced the warm camaraderie in her voice.

Veronica stepped back from him and moved around the room, gathering up her notepads and briefcase. “Well, that will be exciting. That’ll be a first for that part of the world I think. Have a good time.”

David sat up. “What do you mean? You’re coming with us.”

She shook her head. “No, I’m not. I’m done at the end of this leg.” Protests came at her from three directions. Jon just stared at her. She held up a hand to silence them. “Come on, you know that you don’t need me out here. You have your own PR and promotion people to take care of you. The only thing you need from me is a little assistance with the country media and I can do that from Nashville.”

The men looked at Jon. He ignored everyone except her. “What about your promise?”

She met his gaze and he could see the hurt she tried to conceal...and the anger she didn’t. “Look. I love my job, and have worked very hard to get where I am. I’m proud of my accomplishments. This has been a nice little break, but I need to get back to where I’m needed....and my skills are recognized and appreciated.”

“I appreciate your skills!” Jon protested.

“Obviously you don’t. You just want me out here out of a sense of guilt to satisfy your need to make up for the past. Well, guess what Jon, you can’t make up for it, so just let it go!” She turned towards the door.

“Dammit Ronnie! That’s not what I’m doing! Will you listen to me?” Panic made his voice harsh.

She glanced at her watch. “Sound check in fifteen minutes.” The door shut quietly behind her, but it had the same effect as a slam in the quiet of the room.

Richie finally broke the silence. “Nice going Kidd.”

“What the fuck?” Jon growled in confusion and frustration.

“Why didn’t you tell her about Dubai?”

“Because it just got finalized! I was going to tell her after sound check.”

“Somehow I don’t think that’s going to cut any ice with her. She’s definitely pissed.” David noted.

“Arrrg! Women! Why do they have to get bent out of shape over every little thing?” Jon grumbled, standing.

“Yeah, like wanting to know about you taking a trip halfway around the world.” David agreed.

“Just because she’s supposed to be in charge of promoting said trip, why would she need to know ahead of time?” Richie added.

“Fuck!” Was Jon’s only comment aside from the slam of the door behind him.

Chapter 46

When it was time for her to head to the arena Veronica gathered her laptop bag and purse and started for the door, then stopped. She stood with her hand on the knob for several minutes, considering, then sighed and turned around. Opening her side of the door connecting their rooms, she knocked. “Jon? I’m heading to the venue.”

Less than five seconds later, the other door opened revealing a frowning Jon. “Now?”

She nodded. “Yes. I need to make sure everything’s set up.” She paused. “It’s my job.”

His frown deepened and he grunted. “Wait a minute.” Stalking back to the table, he picked up his phone and dialled. “Yeah. I need someone to come and escort Ronnie to the arena. Yeah. Thanks. She’ll meet him in the lobby.” He snapped the phone shut and walked back to her, lifting her chin with a finger until their eyes met. “Mike will meet you and go with you. Wait for him.” The muscle in his jaw twitched when her brow rose at his command. “Please.”

Veronica huffed at his tone, bit back her protest and gave in gracefully – sort of. “Fine. But I’m not a child.”

Jon’s lips slowly curled into a knowing smirk as his eyes licked over her. “Sugar, I’m well aware of that.”

She snorted, rolled her eyes and turned away. Halfway to the door his voice stopped her.

“Ronnie?” He hesitated. “Thank you.”

She locked gazes with him, nodded and continued out of the room.




Veronica learned very quickly that her movements outside the venue – or anywhere outside the sphere of BJM’s control – required an escort. While she appreciated Jon’s concern and understood where it was coming from, she knew she was only going to be able to tolerate it for so long before her temper exploded.

After the Omaha show, she had gathered her gear and was heading for the door and the waiting vans when Mike stopped her and asked her to wait. She watched staff leave – including Matt and Paul - and even a few crew members, and was just about to ask Mike what she was waiting for when the sound of David’s laughter told her that the band was on their way, and her unspoken question was answered. As Jon passed her, he grabbed her hand and tugged her along with him. She rolled her eyes, but followed.


This was the pattern for the next couple shows. And if the after party wasn’t at the hotel where they were staying she wasn’t allowed to leave on her own....or until Jon did for that matter. She had a feeling that she was going to find out just how strong the tether on her temper was.

He kept pushing on the personal front as well. Gentle nudges, but nudges never the less. He was back to the touchy feely tactic, frequently stealing brief kisses and sneaking in soft caresses. To her mental consternation and disgust, she couldn’t summon the will to berate him for it, or even tell him to stop. He still wasn’t his normal self, but he was talking more and brooding less – most of the time – and she didn’t want him to relapse.


Detroit made her wonder if that wasn’t a huge mistake on her part. She was sitting at a table at the after party, official business done, waiting for her escort back to the hotel and trying to stay awake. Leaning back against the wall, she yawned and closed her eyes, thinking about the next day’s schedule and dozing lightly. She was jerked back to awareness when soft lips touched hers and tasted gently. Her senses told her without opening her eyes who was kissing her. The familiar scent and taste – tinged only slightly tonight with wine – reached her on a subconscious level, and before she even realized what she was doing she was kissing him back. Her lips opened at the touch of his tongue allowing him to sweep the inside of her mouth and stroke her tongue. They didn’t touch anywhere else. After several minutes Jon retreated, sucking and nibbling lightly on her bottom lip as he did so.

When they were no longer touching Veronica opened her eyes. “What are you doing?” Her voice was husky.

“Waking you up the way you always used to like me to.”

“Jon....” The warning was clear in her voice.

He leaned in to press his lips to hers again briefly to stop her. “I want you Nica, and I know that you want me too. Don’t try to deny it. If you didn’t you’d have slapped me or pushed me away.”

There was too much truth in his statement for her to argue, whether she wanted to admit it or not. Still.... “You know it’s not a good idea.”

“No I don’t. I know why you think so, but I’m going to show you that I’m not that self-centred, inconsiderate kid anymore. I’m not the same man who walked away and abandoned you. I don’t expect you to take my word for it, but I will prove it to you. I want to be the one you depend on, the one you lean on when you need to, the one you come to for comfort and support.” When she opened her mouth to speak, he kissed her again. “I don’t want you to say anything, I just wanted you to know where my head is at. You can think about it and decide whether you want to fight me – and yourself – or whether you want to give me the chance to show you that I’m sincere and that you can trust me again. I promise you that I will never hurt you like that again.”

“Hey Kidd! Do you think that you could put the seduction attempt on hold long enough to get back to the hotel? Or at least into the van? I need my beauty sleep.” David called from near the door.

“Keep your shirt on Lemma, we’re coming. On second thought maybe you should take it off and burn it. That has got to be the ugliest shirt I’ve ever seen.” Jon shot back as he straightened.

“Then you haven’t seen his wardrobe lately.” Richie commented dryly. David flipped him off.

Jon chuckled, reached for Veronica’s hand and tugged. “Come on sugar. Let’s get you to bed.”

Wordlessly, she stood and allowed him to tow her with him out to the van. She was likewise silent all the way back to the hotel.

In their hallway, Richie held her back. “You okay little girl? You’re awfully quiet.”

She shrugged. “I think I know how deer feel in hunting season now.”

He studied her for a moment. “But deer generally want to avoid the hunters.”

“And you don’t think I don’t?”

It was his turn to shrug. “Do you? And don’t answer by impulse, think about it. You two had some pretty strong feelings once and like I told you before, those don’t just go away. Not completely. I know that you guys had some pretty heavy shit go down, and there’s a lot of pain involved, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t still some remnants of those softer emotions underneath all that hurt. Just think about it.”

She sighed. Suddenly she was surrounded my men who thought they knew what was in her mind and heart. “Go to bed Jughead. Analyze me some other time.”

He chuckled. “Afraid I’m right?” At her dark look he held up his hands defensively. “Okay, okay, I’ll leave you alone. For now. Nite little girl.”

“Nite Jughead.” Entering her room she was relieved to find that the maid had closed and locked the connecting door between her room and Jon’s. She needed some time by herself.

Chapter 45

By the time Veronica arrived at the hotel in Omaha, she was frustrated and very annoyed. First her plane was late, and now, because of that, she was facing crowds of fans blocking all the entrances to the hotel. Her driver pulled up to the back door – the same one where the band members would be arriving at and turned to look at her. “The band’s going to be arriving in a few minutes. Do you want to try to get in before they get here or wait until after they go in?”

She thought for a moment. “I’ll go in now. I can just mingle with the crowd.”

He nodded. “Leave your bags. I’ll bring them in.”

Veronica nodded and stepped out of the car and slowly threaded her way through the crowd towards the doors. Half way there, the vans turned into the driveway and came to a stop near the door. “Shit!”

The crowd pressed forward as security lined the route and formed a barricaded path, taking her with them. A quick survey of the situation showed her that her best bet was to try to make her way to the nearest security guard, but that was easier said than done when she felt like a sardine.



Richie was half a step behind Jon sauntering towards the door, glancing around and waving absently at the gathered fans until a familiar dark head caught his eye. “Whoa...uh...bro?”

“What?” Jon didn’t stop.

“Ronnie’s caught in the crowd.”

“What? Where?” He stopped dead and looked in the direction Richie indicated. “Fuck!”

The security guard’s eyes widened as Jon walked towards him and he braced himself against the surge of the crowd, muttering under his breath. “Shit!”

Veronica saw him coming, swore under her breath, and increased her struggle in his direction. She winced as someone stepped on her foot and she was shoved. Her glance caught Jon’s and she saw the blue eyes flare and his jaw tense.

His hand rose to wave her forward. “Come on. Let her through folks. Take it easy girls. She’s with us. Let her through please.” When Veronica got close enough he reached under the arms of the guards, grasped her hand and pulled her to him.

Without a word he turned and headed for the door, towing her behind him. In the lobby he barely slowed down long enough to take the two keys that Tiffany was holding out for him. When Veronica tried to pull her hand from his, he merely tightened his grip and continued on his path to the elevator. Once inside he pulled her into his arms, and held her tight. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Jon eased back, smoothed his hands up her back and into her hair, slid his thumbs under her chin and raised her face to his. He searched her eyes for a long moment, then bent and kissed her rather fiercely. “Are you sure?”

Veronica had to swallow and lick her suddenly dry lips before she could respond. “Yes. Jon, I’m fine.”

He blew out a breath. “Alright, from now on you travel with us. No exceptions.”

“That’s not necessary.”

“Yes it is.”

The doors pinged and opened onto their floor. She pulled away from him angrily and stepped out. “No, it’s not.” She started down the hallway, then had to stop and wait for him since he had the keys.

“Yes, it is. You could have been hurt out there today. What happened to you getting here before us anyway?” He strode past her.

She followed him. “My plane was late. I thought I could get in before you guys got here. I should have waited until you were in.”

Jon grunted, stopped in front of a pair of doors and handed her a key. “You won’t have to worry about that anymore.”

She sighed. “Jon, I don’t need security! I’m perfectly fine travelling on my own.”

“I will decide what level of security you need.”

“But...”

“No. This isn’t PR. You don’t know what’s best in this area.” He shoved his key into the lock. “I saw you getting pushed and shoved around out there, and I saw your face. You were being hurt. You’re travelling with us. End of discussion.”

“ Dammit Jon...”

“NO!” He spun to face her. “I’m the boss here, remember? And this time you will listen to me!”

“But it’s not necessary!”

“It’s not up to you to decide that! “

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Don’t play the arrogant dictator with me Jon!”

“I’ll do whatever I have to, to keep you safe!”

“But it’s not...”

“Enough Ronnie!” He raked a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, but I won’t back down on this. I....I can’t.”

“But...”

“Dammit Ronnie! Don’t you get it?” His hands clenched into fists. “I couldn’t save...” He swallowed. “I couldn’t protect you back then or the baby. I’ll be damned if I’ll let anything happen to you now!”

Veronica stared at him, wide eyed, stunned by both his words and the emotion in his eyes. She put a hand on his arm and squeezed, tears suddenly burning her own eyes. “Jon it wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done, even if you had been there. There was nothing anyone could do.”

He met her eyes for a long moment, then shrugged, turned and entered his room.

Veronica stared at his closed door, her heart aching for his obvious pain.

“Don’t fight him on this little girl.” Richie spoke from behind her. A glance told her that they had all come out at the sound of their raised voices. “Let him protect you. Let him make amends in whatever way he can for his past failings.”

“But it wasn’t his fault.” She looked at him with brimming eyes.

“Intellectually he knows that, but emotionally......” He shrugged. “How long did it take you to get over the guilty feelings?”

She could only nod in understanding. He had a point. Inside her room she opened a bottle of water and sat for a long time staring out the window thinking about pain and the past and healing.

Chapter 44

“Veronica......Veronica.....VERONICA!” Lori raised her voice in exasperation.

“What? Oh, sorry.” Veronica shook her head to clear it and focussed on her friend. They were sitting in Veronica’s living room watching a movie. It was a cold, damp gloomy Sunday afternoon.

“Where were you?”

“Oh, just thinking.”

“About?” Lori had a pretty good idea, but she wanted to see if Veronica would admit it and talk about it.

Veronica sighed. “Jon.”

This was the opportunity Lori had been waiting for. “Why did he come looking for you after all these years?”

“He wanted to know the details around the baby’s death.”

Lori snorted. “Better late than never I guess.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“How’s he taking it? That was some pretty heavy shit.”

Veronica grimaced slightly. “He seems to be struggling a little.”

“Grief? Or guilt riding him hard?”

“Maybe a little grief, but I think it’s mostly guilt.”

“So what are you doing to help him?”

Veronica stared at her friend. “You too? Why does everyone think that I have some magic wand to make him all better...or that I’d even want to try?”

“Because you’re a caretaker. If someone’s in pain, you need to help.” Lori searched Veronica’s face. “And you’ve been there, you know what he’s feeling – better than anyone, and you know what helped you. This is something that happened to BOTH of you – whether he was there at the time or not. It wasn’t until you finally talked to him about all of it that you started to heal completely – no don’t try to deny it. Ever since I’ve known you, I’ve always sensed that there was something that you were holding back. I never pushed because I figured you’d tell me if you wanted to. But now....I can see that you’re...lighter...more...at peace. And I know you well enough to know that you can’t – and won’t - stand by and watch him suffer. Whether you want to admit it or not you still have feelings for him. Personally I think that Gretchen has the right idea.”

Veronica snorted. “Seriously?”

Lori shrugged. “Why not? What’s the downside? You both get some pleasure out of the deal, and if you get to exorcise him out of your system or you find that there’s enough there for a real relationship, so much the better.”

Veronica just shook her head, but before she could answer her blackberry rang. She answered without looking at the display...it had to be someone from BJM. “Hello?” She could hear voices in the back ground. “Hello?”

“You make me cookies today? Prease?”

She pulled the phone away and looked at the number. “Romeo?”

“What?”

“Were you trying to call me?”

“Molly don’t know how to make your cookies.”

She bit her lip against a grin. “I’ll send her the recipe.”

“Okay!”

She heard a thunk as the phone was dropped.

“Hello?”

“Hello?” Veronica answered and hazarded a guess. “Stephanie?”

“Yeah. Who’s this?”

“It’s Ronnie. Apparently Romeo called me.”

“Sorry about that he was playing with Daddy’s phone.”

Veronica laughed. “That’s okay...but how did he find my number?”

“I think it was an accident. What did he say to you?”

“He asked me if I would him some cookies.”

Stephanie was stunned. “Wow. That’s....spooky. We were talking about the cookies you sent us at Christmas and how good they were, and he said he’d call and ask for some. I thought he was just playing. I can’t believe he actually hit the right button!” They both knew that he couldn’t read, so there was no way he could connect the name.

“Yeah.” Veronica shivered.

“Ronnie..”

“Yes?”

Stephanie hesitated, unsure how to word what she wanted to say. “Do you know what’s wrong with Daddy?”

“Is something wrong with him?”

“Yeah. He says that he’s fine, but I know he’s lying. He doesn’t talk much and he’s....sad.” Her voice suddenly change, telling Veronica that she’d turned away from the phone. “It’s true Dad.”

“Hello?”

Obviously the phone had changed hands again. “Hi Jon, it’s me.”

“Hey. How are you?” He sounded surprised to hear her voice on the other end of the line.

“I’m fine. Romeo called me.”

“Really? How did he do that?”

“I have no idea. Just a fluke I guess. Apparently he was on a hunt for cookies. Hiding them from him?”

He laughed. “No, the ones you sent are long gone and he’s looking for more.”

“I told him I would send Molly the recipe....who is she?

“My housekeeper. And she’s always on the lookout for new recipes, especially ones the kids like.” He hesitated. “So, are you enjoying the break?

“Yeah. Lori and I are just sitting here watching a movie. It’s cold and damp here today. How are you? Stephanie seems to be concerned.”

“I’m .....okay. Trying to focus on the happy thoughts, like you told me. The kids help.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet they do.”

His breath caught. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that as a slap in your face.”

“I know. Jon, it’s okay. I accepted that I’ll never have children a long time ago.” But it didn’t mean that she wanted to hear about his kids.

“I’m sorry about that too.” He cleared his throat. “Nica..”

“Everything’s set for the next leg.” She interrupted him. “You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve backed off of the photo ops. There’s still lots of print media though.”

Jon hesitated, wanting to fight the change of subject, but finally gave in. He’d pushed her enough lately – and every time he did it came back to bite him in the ass. “There always is. They’re like locusts.” He sighed. “Are you coming to Jersey or are you going to meet us in Omaha?”

“I’ll meet you in Omaha. I’ll have everything ready and waiting when you get there.”

“Okay, I’ll make sure....oh hang on a minute.” She could hear voices and crying in the background. “Ronnie, I’ve got to go settle an argument before World War 3 erupts here. I’ll make sure the people in Omaha know you’re coming ahead. Just a minute Jake! Jesse quit torturing him!”

Veronica closed her eyes and bit her lip. “Go deal with them Jon. I’ll see you in Omaha.”

“Okay. Romeo, come here buddy. Bye Ronnie.”

Lori watched her friends face as she set down the phone. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. I think his kids are fighting.”

“And they called you?”

She smiled. “No, that was a freaky fluke. They were talking about the cookies I sent them at Christmas and his three year old wanted more and said he’d call me...and happened to hit the right button on Jon’s phone.”

“Really? Wow!” Lori was stunned. “So.....you’ve met his kids then.”

Veronica nodded. “Yeah. They came to Newark and then came to see him off when we left for Japan.”

“How...” Lori didn’t know how to ask the question. “How was that?”

“You mean what was it like meeting his kids when mine didn’t survive?” Her lips twisted wryly. “It’s okay Lori, you can say it.” She shrugged. “I won’t lie, it wasn’t the most pleasant experience of my life.” She looked down at her hand rubbing her thigh. “It was...painful. Especially the youngest. He looks like Jon,.....just like Drew.” Her breath caught and a few tears overflowed and ran down her cheeks. She impatiently brushed them away.

“Oh honey. I’m so sorry.” Lori reached out to grab her hand.

Veronica nodded. “I’ll be alright. It just hits me sometimes, and with telling Jon and everything, it’s all near the surface right now. It’ll get better. It just takes a little time.” She cleared her throat. “How about some popcorn?”

Chapter 43

The flight back to the U.S. was quiet. Jon was huddled in his seat, staring out the window, nursing a hangover. Veronica sat with the guys, playing cards, laughing and joking around. Periodically she shot looks in Jon’s direction and frowned. She’d thought her heart was hardened against him, but seeing him hurting bothered her. It’s not your problem Veronica! He’s got to work through this on his own.
Vicki served the first meal a couple hours into the flight. Veronica noticed that Jon’s tray was returned, untouched. Richie stood up to stretch then sat back down.

“What have you got planned for the break little girl?”

“Well, it’s not really a break for me. I’ve got to make sure that everything’s lined up for the next leg and check in with head office, and analyze the sales and chart stats by region and see where we need to boost promotions and how.”

“You are going to get to relax a bit though, aren’t you?” Richie frowned.

She smiled. “Yes. I’m planning on catching up on some sleep and hanging with the girls too. What have you got planned?”

“Just spending some time with Ava.”

“How’s your mom doing?”

“Pretty good. She has her good days and bad days.”

Veronica reached out to squeeze his hand. “Grief’s like that. She’s strong. She’ll be okay.”

He nodded. “I know. She’s stronger than I am.”

Her eyes burned at the shadows in his. “You’ll be okay too Rich. Don’t be afraid to lean on us when you need to.”

He eyed her. “Will you be there for him too?” His head jerked in Jon’s direction.

She snorted softly. “He doesn’t need me Rich. He doesn’t need anyone.”

“There’s a difference between not needing and not letting anyone help little girl.” Richie argued. “You’ve always been a caretaker. I can’t believe that you would stand by and do nothing when someone close to you is in that kind of pain.” He headed off her protest. “Don’t try and pretend that he isn’t close to you or that you don’t care about him. I won’t believe it. Your emotions run too deep for you to just turn them off completely, even after nineteen years and a boatload of pain.”

“Still taking psychology classes Dr. Freud?” She retorted dryly. She wasn’t sure she liked how well he read her.

He grinned. “Naw. I just pay attention. I’m not saying that you should jump back into a relationship with him, or even jump into bed with him – although that wouldn’t hurt either one of you - oh wait, you already did!” She gave him a withering glance. He chuckled. “All I’m saying is that you know what he’s going through and you’re probably the only one who can help him. You know what he’s like. He’ll never ask for help. He’s struggling Ronnie. Whether you believe it or not, whether he admits it or not, he needs you.” Vicki came out to warn them to prepare for landing. They were dropping Richie off at LAX before continuing on to New Jersey. “Just think about it.”

Tico took Richie’s seat across the table from Veronica after takeoff. David joined them. They chatted about their plans during the break, and their activities outside of the band until Vicky came around with another meal. Jon’s tray was waved away.

“Are you going to do something or are you going to let him self-destruct?” David asked her quietly. Tico just watched her intently.

“Why do you all think that I know how to fix him, or that he’d listen to me anyway?”

“Because you’ve been there and survived nina. You know what helped you and you know him.” Tico explained.

“And he’ll listen to you because he always has....and because you make him listen.” David added.

She stared at both of them for a long minute, then sighed and stood. “Spineless wimps.”

“Go get him tiger!” David grinned.

Vicky was in the galley cleaning up when Veronica stuck her head in. “Has he eaten anything at all?”

Vicky shook her head. “No. What’s wrong with him?”

Veronica sighed. “He’s in some sort of a depressed funk.” She thought for a minute. “If you’ll give me a tray for him I’ll see if I can get him to eat something.”

Vicky handed over a tray. “Good luck.”

Veronica walked up the aisle, plunked the tray down in front of Jon and took the seat beside him. “Eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten anything the whole trip. In fact, you haven’t eaten much in days. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

His jaw firmed. “Leave me alone! I said I’m not fucking hungry!”

“And I said you need to eat! Damn it Jon! Stop acting like a sulking child! Eat or I swear I’ll get David and Tico to hold you down and I’ll shove it down your fucking throat!”

Blue eyes and violet clashed and battled for long minutes. Finally, Jon sighed and picked up the fork. They sat in silence while he ate and she watched. He shot her a look. “When did you become such a bully?”

She shrugged. “It comes out when I’m faced with pigheaded stubbornness.”

He snorted. “Pot and kettle there sweetheart.”

Her brows rose and her eyes widened. “Me? Nuh uh. I’m a laid back, easy going girl who rolls with the punches.”

Amusement made the blue eyes sparkle. “Riiight. And Hitler was a pacifist.”

She chuckled. “How’s the hangover?”

“Bearable.” He frowned. “Thank you for....helping me last night.” His memory of the previous night was a little fuzzy, but he did remember her helping him to bed. He had to assume by the fact that she was talking to him that he hadn’t done anything too stupid.

“You’re welcome. So what are your plans for the break?” If he couldn’t remember or didn’t bring up the events of the previous night, she wasn’t going to either.

He shrugged. “Spend some time with the kids.” He grimaced. “I should go to Philly too I guess.”

Veronica curled one leg under her and turned in her chair to face him. “Tell me about your football team and the Foundation.”

Jon shoved away his empty tray and took a sip from his coffee cup. He raked a hand through his hair and let it settle on her knee. She didn’t push it away. For the next half hour he talked about the Soul and his hopes to get to the Arena Bowl and how he set up the Foundation and what he hoped to accomplish with it.

While she listened and asked questions Veronica watched his face closely, smiling in satisfaction to see some of his normal spark and emotion.

He noticed her perusal and smile. “What?”

She put her hand over his on her knee and squeezed. “It’s nice to see you talk without having to constantly prod you.” He grimaced. She squeezed his hand again. “Happy thoughts Jon. That’s how you get through it. Focus on the happy thoughts.”

He sighed, nodded and squeezed back.

Chapter 42

By the time they reached Australia a week later Veronica was ready to scream – and/or strangle Jon. He was treating her like some piece of fragile glass that needed to be protected and it was driving her crazy!

She’d opened her eyes on the flight to Japan to see his broad chest rising and falling with every deep breath, and the soft thud of his heartbeat audible in the warm flesh under her ear. Realizing that he was still asleep, she allowed herself a few minutes to enjoy the feeling of being held close. She refused to consider that it wasn’t just being held that gave her such a feeling of peace and comfort, but that it was being held by him. He woke up when she tried to move away and just smiled gently at her. She smiled back and thanked him for being her pillow. His response of “I’m here for whatever you need”, accompanied by a kiss to her forehead had her torn between gratitude for his caring and concern that he was still trying to lead her down a road she wasn’t prepared to follow.


For the next week she found him watching her almost constantly. Anything she asked for her made sure she got. At the after parties he never left her side, made sure she ate and walked her to her room – which was of course beside his. During the day he never argued or complained about what she wanted him to do. In fact, he rarely spoke – to anyone – except for what was necessary to get the job done. He didn’t snap or yell at people, he was just....silent. Even Richie and David couldn’t get more than a small smile or the odd chuckle out of him.


Staff members were coming to her asking her to do something. Even the guys were shooting her looks. What do they expect me to do? Why is up to me to be the keeper of his mental health? After watching him drink himself into oblivion one night in Australia she decided that she was going to have to say something. He was ignoring phone calls and just doing the bare minimum that was required – except on stage. There he was still the consummate performer. Still, it was hard to promote a band where getting a quote from the frontman – and main spokesperson – was like pulling teeth.

When the interviews finished, she escorted the reporter to the door, made sure he left, then closed the door and turned back to the guys. Richie, David and Tico were looking at her hopefully, Jon warily. “Problem teach?”

“You tell me. What’s going on with you?”

He shrugged. “I’m fine.”

“Bullshit! You’re walking around here like a zombie. You don’t talk, you don’t hardly smile, you’re only putting in about 50% - if that- and that’s not you. The crew, the staff, all of us are concerned. What’s going on Jon?”

“I told you, I’m fine.” He repeated firmly.

Veronica sighed. Obviously the kid glove approach wasn’t going to work. “Is this about the baby dying?” Every day it got easier for her to talk about. He flinched. “You’ve got to snap out of it Jon. You never look back, don’t start now. Let it go.”

Blue eyes flashed fire. “You’ve had nineteen years to come to terms with this, I’ve had a month! Cut me a little slack here!”

“Whose fault it that?! Don’t put this on me! And don’t pretend that it’s grief that you’re feeling Jon. You knew he died right after it happened, quit acting like it’s news.”

“And did knowing lessen the pain all these years for you?” He shot back.

“Over time, yes.”

He snorted.

“It’s true.” She insisted. “The lingering pain and anger wasn’t so much over his death, but that I had to go through it alone. What you’re feeling isn’t grief Jon, it’s guilt.” He winced. She sighed. “It was a long time ago. Let it go.”

“Like it was so easy for you to? You still have nightmares.”

There was no point in arguing. “So you’re going to just wallow in self pity and throw away everything you’ve built and accomplished then?” She shook her head at him. “You’ve got to pull yourself together.” She lifted his head to study his face. “And lay off the booze. Your eyes look like two piss holes in the snow.” As she turned towards the door she gave the other guys a withering glance. “Spineless wimps, all of you.”

“Why should we take the risk of pissing him off if you’re willing to throw yourself under the bus?” David responded.

“Yeah, he won’t hit you.” Richie added.

She snorted. “You’re both bigger than him. Cowards.”

“Nope, just smart enough to let you fight the battles.” David grinned. “You do it so well.”

“I’m still sitting here, you know.” Jon reminded them dryly.

Veronica shook her head and glanced at her watch. “Sound check in twenty minutes.”


Back in the “office” Matt stopped by her desk. “Did you talk to him?”

“Another spineless wimp! He’s your brother, why don’t you talk to him?”

He shuddered. “Are you kidding? I don’t have a death wish. Besides, he’ll listen to you.”

Her brows rose. “What makes you think that?”

Matt shrugged. “He cares what you think of him. He always has.”

“That’s debatable. But to answer your question, yes I talked to him, not that it appeared to do any good. He’s in denial that there’s a problem.”

“You know what he’s like. He keeps his deepest emotions to himself and will never admit he needs anything or anyone.”

She nodded. “Well, let’s hope he snaps out of it soon. I can only do so much damage control.”

Matt hesitated. “You may have to help him with that.”

“Me? Why me?”

“Because you may be the only one that can. I don’t know what happened between you back then and it’s not my business, but it’s obviously coming back to haunt him.”

“What makes you think that it has anything to do with me?”

“Come on Ronnie, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a psychic to figure it out. It’s obvious whenever you’re within fifty feet of each other. Plus, Mom’s made a few comments about you and he’s not talking to her at all, and even Dad was giving her the cold shoulder at Christmas, so I know it’s something pretty big. And the way Jon’s behaving now makes me think he’s having trouble dealing with whatever it is. If he won’t talk about it with us we can’t help him. That leaves you.”

She shook her head. “I think that you’re all deluded about how much influence I have with him and my ability to affect him or his emotions – then or now. If he cared as much as you think he wouldn’t have walked away – and stayed away – from me for eighteen years. He doesn’t need me. He never has.”

It was Matt’s turn to shake his head. “You’re wrong Ronnie, but I’m not going to argue with you. You’re as stubborn as he is. Just think about what I said, and....keep an eye on him.”

Veronica watched him walk out the door, snorted and turned back to her preparations for the show. She didn’t know where they all got these crazy ideas about her relationship with Jon, but they were wrong.



The last night in Australia she had to help Jon to his room. He was trashed. With his arm over her shoulders and hers around his waist she managed to steer him into the elevator and down the hallway to the right door – he refused to let Richie or anyone else near him.

She paused in front of his door. “Where’s your key?”

“Front pants pocket. Wanna reach in and get it?” He leered at her. “Help yoursshelf to whatever comes to hand.”

“Down boy.” She retrieved the key, opened the door and guided him to the bed. He sat on it and looked up at her expectantly. “What?”

“Aren’t you going to help me undress? You always used to like to do that.”

“Jon, stop.” She knelt to remove his boots. “There. You can do the rest yourself. You don’t need me.”

Before she could stand he reached out to caress her cheek. “I do need you Nica. I always have.” His eyes filled. “I’m so sorry I hurt you and abandoned you. And our baby. If I could go back and do it all over I’d never let you go and I would have been by your side through the whole thing. When I think of the pain you went through....” He closed his eyes and swallowed. “I’m so sorry Nica.”

Veronica sighed, took his hand and squeezed. “I know Jon.” She helped him pull his t-shirt over his head. When he stood to remove his pants and almost fell over she caught him, shook her head and eased him down. She stripped off the rest of his clothes and pulled the blanket up over him.

He caught her hand as she turned to go. “Nica don’t go. Stay with me. Please. Just for a little while. I...I need you. I need to hold you.”

Knowing he was too drunk to make any sexual demands – no matter how much he might think he could – she gave in to the pain she could sense in him, kicked off her shoes, removed her pants and climbed in beside him.

He immediately rolled towards her and pulled her into the curve of his body. “Don’t leave me Nica. Love you. Always have, always will.” With a contented sigh he kissed her neck and drifted off to sleep –or passed out, she wasn’t sure which.

Heart pounding at his words – even though she knew better than to believe drunken ramblings – and scared at how much she wanted it to be true, she waited until she was sure he wouldn’t wake up when she moved, slipped out from under his arm and out of the room.

Chapter 41

Veronica took a deep breath, hitched her purse and laptop bag up onto her shoulder and headed towards the waiting jet, pulling her suitcase behind her. A crew member met her and took her suitcase from her to load into the cargo area. “Thanks.”
“Ronnie!”

She turned to see Stephanie waving at her. She waved back and started for the stairs. Steph met her at the bottom. “Hi Steph. Come to see your dad off?”

“Yeah. Are you excited about the trip?”

“Yes I am actually. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Japan and Australia.”

“Do you like sushi too?” Stephanie wrinkled her nose. “Dad loves the stuff.”

Veronica laughed. “I like the vegetable stuff, but I’m not real big on the raw fish.”

“Me either. Oh! Thanks for the cookies you sent. They were really good.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed them....and that you actually got to taste some before your dad ate them all.”

“We managed to get a few. But I’m sure Dad hid some too.” Jesse commented as he joined them. “Hi Ronnie.”

“Hi Jesse. Did you have a good Christmas?”

He shrugged. “It was okay.”

Before Veronica could respond, Jon’s youngest two came running up. Jake looked at her, frowned and tugged on his sister’s sleeve. “Who’s that?”

Romeo answered. “Her the cookie lady!”

Jake’s frown turned to a hopeful expression. “Did you bring more cookies?”

Veronica had to smile. “You don’t like cookies do you?”

He nodded vigorously. Steph snorted. “Almost as much as Dad does. This is Jake, by the way.”

“Hi Jake. Nice to meet you. I’m Ver...Ronnie.”

“Hi. Did you bring cookies?”

Persistent, just like his father. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a brown paper bag, opened it and offered it to him. He accepted with a grin, his hand digging deep. “Thanks.” Steph and Jesse took one too.

“I have one too? Prease?” Romeo watched his brother bite into his treat.

“Of course you can.” Ronnie leaned down so that he could reach the bag.

Drawing out a cookie, he bit into it and grinned. “Yum!” He impulsively gave her a hug. “Tank you. You make good cookies.”

“You’re welcome, and thank you.” She stroked his hair with a trembling hand, tears burning her eyes.

Jon had been standing back watching, and now stepped forward. “Okay guys we have to go now.” He stopped beside Veronica, slid his arm around her waist and squeezed. “Hi. You ready?” She nodded.

“Hey! You better not be eating all our cookies!” Richie called from the top of the stairs where he’d been watching the scene below him.

“Don’t worry Uncle Mookie, we saved you one.” Jake assured him.

“Yeah? Ronnie, you’d better come up here and let me check.” He could see the tightness in her face and body.

Ronnie glanced up at him and smiled in gratitude. “Don’t worry Jughead, I brought lots....as long as we keep an eye on Jon.” As she turned towards the stairs, movement caught her eye as Dorothea joined the group. The two women stared at each other for a moment, then nodded politely.

“Come on guys, say goodbye to Daddy. He’s got to get going.” Dorothea urged her children.

Veronica turned, climbed the stairs and entered the plane without a backward glance. Richie kissed her cheek and plucked the bag out of her hand. “Look guys, Ronnie brought us cookies!”

“Well, don’t hog them Swingman!” Tico growled, winking at Veronica. “Hola nina. Thanks for the Christmas treats.”

The others chorused their appreciation as well as they passed the bag around. She chuckled. “You’re welcome. Make sure you save one for Jon or we’ll have to listen to him bitch and whine all the way to Japan!”

“You got that right!” Jon reached past her for the bag. His eyes searched hers. “You okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just....” She shrugged.

He nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.”

She squeezed his arm and settled into a seat. After takeoff she pulled out her laptop, answered e-mails, rechecked the schedule and sent it to Jon. Rising, she walked to where he was sitting and took the seat beside him. When Vicki passed by, she stopped her and asked for a drink. Turning back to Jon she gestured to his laptop. “May I?” He waved for her to go ahead. She brought up his schedule with a few clicks of the keys and explained what she’d arranged including checking out the opening act bands in Australia before the shows. Jon just nodded. Her brows rose. “No arguments?”

He gave her a sidelong look. “What would be the point?”

She chuckled. “Glad you understand.”

Later, after they’d all eaten they settled in to try and get some sleep. Richie walked down the aisle on his way back from the galley and noticed Veronica shifting restlessly in her sleep. He frowned and glanced around the cabin. “You awake?” He murmured to Jon a couple minutes later.

“Yeah.” Jon noticed his wingman’s frown. “What’s wrong?”

“Ronnie’s really restless.”

“So? Not everyone can sleep on a plane.”

“I don’t think it’s that. I think she’s having a nightmare.” He gave Jon a meaningful look.

Jon frowned, stood and walked back to where Veronica was tossing and turning. He sat beside her, and lifted a curl off of her forehead. “Nica?”

She sighed and instinctively turned towards him. “Johnny.”

“I’m here sugar.” He gathered her into his arms. “Sleep honey. I’m right here.” She calmed at his touch and drifted into a deeper sleep. He smiled his thanks at Vicki when she spread another blanket over both of them, gratified that he could at least do this much for her.